Dear Ms. Beautiful EVERYTHING,

Why must you always choose the treadmill right next to mine? Out of the 15 other open treadmills, you ALWAYS choose the one next to me. Is this because you know how great you must look next to me? You with your perfectly tan and unflawed skin, perfectly shaped body, and bangs that hang in your face just the right amount. You with you little tank top, spandex shorts, and ponytail that looks great at all times. Yes, you really do look fabulous next to me, but you would also look great next to anybody else, or better yet, on a treadmill NOT next to anybody. Don't you know that I peak at your stats to make sure that I am always running two notches faster than you and I refuse to stop until after you have left the cardio room? NO MATTER WHAT!! Don't you know that you make me feel even more self-conscious than I already do? Here's a great idea, next time you and your perfectness come to the gym, choose a treadmill next to a guy. Trust me, they're all hoping you will anyway!